Unit faces mixture of emotions upon its return from Iraq

FORT SILL. Crystal Abbott is trapped between two distinct emotions as she awaits the return of her husband from Iraq -- joy and dread.

"This is our second deployment," Abbott said Thursday from her Fort Sill home. "I already know what to expect when he returns, and I'm not looking forward to it at all."

Abbott is no different from hundreds of other wives and children of Charlie Battery, 1st Battalion, 17th Field Artillery soldiers who have been apart the past year. The soldiers are expected home in the coming days and while she longs for the reunion, she realizes that too will come with a price.

"We'll go through the honeymoon phase at first," said Abbott, whose husband, Sgt. Ted, served his first tour in Iraq in 2004. "Then, we'll both settle into our routines and that's when the challenges will begin."

Mark Woll, Fort Sill's mobilization and deployment program manager, is trained to assist in that transition. Last month, he met with more than 1,550 soldiers and their families dealing with deployment and redeployment (returning home) issues such as combat stress, sleepless nights, and becoming reacquainted with loved ones. He met with the wives of Charlie Battery on Tuesday to brace them for the homecoming they have anxiously awaited.

"Patience and flexibility," Woll said. "Those are probably the two biggest things for couples to remember. It's a process. It doesn't happen overnight. For some couples, it might take a couple weeks. For others, they might still be dealing with issues a year from now.

"They just have to communicate."

Brandy Rocha is also a veteran of the redeployment process. Her husband, Sgt. Angelo Rocha, returned from Iraq two years ago with war stories locked in his mind.

"I worry about our relationship," Brandy Rocha said. "The last time he got back from Iraq, he was very angry. He saw a lot more people killed last time. He actually saw two Iraqis shot in the head, and had to clean up the remains.

"That had to be hard. Their truck wouldn't stop at a barricade and they were both shot. Later, they found out the brakes had gone out on the truck.

"This time, I think, has been easier. I think he's definitely ready to come home to his family."

The separation grows wearisome for Rocha and her two children, Corbin, 7, and Daniella, 1. "The other day I was in the kitchen, and I felt this sharp pain in my shoulder, sharp enough to drop me to one knee," Rocha said. "That night, I dreamed my husband had been shot in the shoulder and was killed. The dream was very real and very graphic.

"I thought it might be some sign."

Two days passed before her husband called home and she was assured he was all right. She could breathe again.

Unspoken ground rules

Deployments are nothing new for Christie Sandor, whose husband, Capt. John Sandor, is finishing his third tour of duty overseas in seven years.

By now, they have unspoken ground rules that work for them when conversing. Details of war are forbidden.

"I actually hear more from other wives than I do from John," Christie Sandor said. "He likes to shield me from that stuff because he knows I'm dealing with so much over here. ... But it's still hard to avoid things. They are receiving mortar fire in camp every night.

"The other day, I was talking to him on the phone, and I could hear the mortars whistling in the background.

"I said, 'Do you have to go?' He said, 'No, I'm fine.' "

Children are hardly immune from the anxieties. Will Sandor, Capt. Sandor's 5-year-old son, reaches for his teddy bear whenever he misses his father.

Inside the bear is a recorded message: "Even though daddy is far away, he always loves you. You're my big buddy."

Sixth-grader Evelyn Carter calls her grandmother in Texas whenever she aches for a hug from her father, Sgt. Lando Carter.

"We talk about a lot of the problems going on over there (in Iraq)," said Evelyn Carter, 11. "She makes me feel better. That's her son, so she can relate, too."

Teenager Sean Parkman doesn't have to count the days until his father's . His father, Sgt. Michael Parkman, informs him every time they chat online.

"It's been torture," said Sean Parkman, 13. "We worry about him all the time. I think about snipers, and bullets whizzing by his head.

"That's hard to get out of my mind."

Woll strongly feels children shouldn't be forgotten during the transition.

"These soldiers have not been around children for an entire year," Woll said. "Spouses have to remind the soldier they are dealing with a child. Soldiers will snap and children will cry. That's just what happens. It's normal for a time. But when it persists for a longer period of time, that's when they should seek help.

"And the first thing I tell a soldier is if you ask for help, that is not a sign of weakness."